Conversations

...overheard in my family yesterday.

On the way to breakfast with another teacher and her daughter, we passed several runners all bundled up for the cold weather, running down the sidewalk. So I asked, "Is there some kind of marathon today that I didn't hear about?"

Ryan: "Ugh. I hate marathons. They're just so...long.

Me: "Well, that's kind of the point."

Both kids in stereo: "Unless it's a marathon of...

Ryan: cartoons."

Aaron: Captain Planet."




On the way to school each day, we pass a yard with one of those Grinch inflatables. Only, he's DEflated because it's so early in the morning. We started singing this song as we pass that house (to the tune of "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch"):

You're a flat one, Mr. Grinch.
You're lying on the lawn.
You are deader than a doornail,
you're flat as a flapjack, Mr. Gri-iiiiinch.
I wouldn't plug you in and blow air back up your butt--even if you were Santa Claus!

And the second verse goes downhill from there--full of potty humor and spiders and other boy-inspired lyrics. Yeah, we're classy like that.


Last night at about quarter 'til ten I told the kids that it was late and they needed to go to bed.

Ryan: Oh, thank goodness you're finally telling us to go to bed. I've been so tired.

Me: You know, if you're tired you can just go on to bed. You don't have to wait for me to tell you to go.

Ryan: (feigning shock) I would never do something without first getting your permission, dear mother.

Then they went upstairs and got ready for bed. Aaron was sleeping in Ryan's room because they like to have "sleepovers" on the weekend. Dan said he was watching football while they got settled. Then Ryan called out, "Oh, if only we had a father who loves us who could come tuck us in and make sure we're warm while we sleep. Oh, if only he cared enough to do that. "

Yep, it's a regular comedy festival here at the castle.

In Which I Confess to Enjoying Christmas Music

For those of you who have been hanging around the Princess's castle for a while, you know that there are quite a few Christmas songs that I can't stand. Now, to be fair, there are many that I really, really love. I was in choir all through school and at church, so trust me I've sung them all.

Tonight I had the great pleasure of attending my middle school son's Christmas chorus concert. I have to admit that I actually gasp enjoyed that stupid Chipmunk song. It's amazing what a difference it makes when it's sung by someone you adore and cherish, rather than a group of vile, high-pitched, animated rodents. Ryan did a great job, as did the rest of the chorus. It's fun to sit in the audience on the other side hearing the same songs which I used to perform. It was really fun to count the number of eye rolls I witnessed as my son sang such lines as, "when we finally kiss goodnight," and "with holiday greetings and gay happy meetings when friends come to call." Hee hee. He's So Very Twelve.

We listened to Christmas music while putting up the Christmas tree last week. You read that correctly--last week. On FRIDAY, no less. The day after Thanksgiving. Also known as The Earliest Day on Which It's Acceptable to Put Up the Tree. I know, right? Me! With the happy holiday spirit and whatnot! I even sang along with Karen Merry Christmas Darling Carpenter! Of course, it helps that my husband isn't working retail during the holiday season for the first time in the twenty-plus years that I've known him. It makes a huge difference in my attitude to not have to do the single parent thing during the holidays.

My favorite part of the concert tonight was hearing the choir sing Carol of the Bells four-part harmon, a Capella. Oh so pretty. The even cooler part is that my kids also love that song and they want to make sure we have the lyrics so that the whole family can sing along when we visit the Ohio Brewers for Christmas.

It kinda makes me feel like my heart grew three sizes that day.

But nothing and nobody could ever, ever make me like Christmas Shoes. Blech. I kinda threw up in my mouth a little bit, just from typing the name of that horrible, awful, schmaltzy, sappy, crappy, hideous, no good, very bad song. Bah.

Nerd or Not Nerd?

Conversation overheard in my living room while putting up the Christmas tree:

Ryan: (checking out all the ornaments) What's a nerd?

Me: (while unwrapping the ornaments) Well, it's someone who is a little bit of a misfit. You know, like the toys on the Island of Misfit Toys in Rudolph? Someone who is kinda bookish and smart, but not socially adept.

Ryan: Like, you mean somebody who doesn't really fit in?

Me: Yes, but the word "nerd" also implies that the person is smart, too. Mommy's a nerd, for example.

Ryan: But you don't wear glasses with tape holding them together.

Me: Or a pocket protector.

Ryan: Yeah, that's how I always picture a nerd looking. You know, with taped-up glasses and maybe suspenders or something.

Me: And a Spock haircut.

Ryan: Wait. What? But Spock's not a nerd.

Me: Sure he is--super intelligent, socially awkward? He's definitely a nerd.

Ryan: No, that's just because he's a Vulcan.

Me: Yes, but he's half-human. His human half is definitely a nerd.

Dan: (chiming in from his post straightening the branches) The fact that you two are even having this conversation puts you both firmly in the nerd category.

In Which I Remind People to Lighten the Frick Up

I made a joke on Facebook about being tired of my friends' sappy "thankful" status updates leading up to Thanksgiving and got my sh*t jumped about it. Oh for frick's sake--get over yourselves. I mean, have you met me? I make snarky comments and jokes, people. It's kind of my thing.

Just to show that I was kidding (Hello? I lead a pretty charmed life here, folks. Much to be thankful for!) I've made my own grateful list. Feel free to ignore it if the sappiness is too much for you. There'll be plenty more snark tomorrow. Ya'll c'mon back now, y'hear?

1) I'm grateful for books. Lots of them. Especially those written by great authors. Especially when they're free at the library. I came home from the library tonight with three books--one brand new, and two that I've read before (but only once and I don't own them). Hello five day weekend!

2) I'm thankful to be married to my extremely hot and very talented best friend, who just happens to be the father of my really wonderful kids.

3) I'm grateful to work with some really awesome people who make my job fun. Especially since one of them has a sister who cut my hair and waxed my eyebrows tonight.

4) I'm thankful for Shoe Carnival's buy one, get one half price sale. I'm also grateful that they had wide and half sizes in the boots I wanted/needed. I'm even more grateful that the cashier gave me an extra $4 off coupon out of the blue.

5) I'm grateful and beyond relieved that I had a most excellent observation/reflection with my boss today. I have completed ALL of my observations for this school year and all three of them went unbelievably well.

6) I'm grateful that my middle school kid is still allowed to sing Christmas songs in the "Winter Holiday" concert, even if one of them is the ridiculously annoying Chipmunk song. My kids hate it too, so don't jump me for being a Scrooge.

7) I'm thankful for the PTO moms at my school who fed us a wonderful soup and salad luncheon today. Mmmm. Love soup.

8) I'm grateful for my giant laundry room, which Dan will not be taking away to create the bathroom of his dreams. Sorry, dear. Mama needs to hang up clothes.

9) I'm thankful for the Read-a-Thon today, which enabled me to grade every single last paper at school before I left today so that I could ENJOY my time off without work hanging over my head the whole weekend.

10) I'm grateful that I HAVE A JOB to escape from for a few days. And I'm grateful that my little man comes to work with me every morning to hang out in my room before school starts. He's a great companion any time, but he's about the only person on Earth I can tolerate first thing in the morning before I've had my coffee.

So, okay. Are you happy now? Can I go back to my usual snark and biting cynicism now? All this cheerfulness is giving me hives.

Can I Get an Extra Saturday? Please?

What a week. After a busy week like this, I should be able to cash in some chips for an extra day on the weekend.

Dan played out two nights last week, so I was home alone with the boys Monday and Tuesday. It's funny how quickly I've gotten used to having him home in the evenings, after his working in retail for the first twenty years I've known him. He used to close the store down at least two nights a week. Now I feel lost without him if he's gone two nights.

He also rehearsed with the third graders during the school day twice. He accompanied them on his guitar in two performances this week (Wednesday morning; Thursday night). Aaron was great as an announcer for the program. Everyone said he was "so professional" and wanted to know where he got such a deep voice. He was all, "Hi, I'm Aaron, and I'm going to speak in my big man voice now." Very cute! After the book fair, PTO meeting, rehearsals, performances, and helping Aaron get his big Thomas Jefferson citizenship project ready, I was exhausted.

But I wasn't finished. In fact, I was just getting started. I had my third (and final, for this school year) observation with my principal on Friday. Yes, genius that I am, I scheduled an observation for the last hour of the day on the last day of the week before a short holiday week. What was I thinking? Luckily I'd stayed really late Wednesday night analyzing data and writing plans, so I was totally prepared. The observation went really well and my kids were great. At the end my boss smiled at me and said, "You've come a long way, baby."

I nearly peed my pants.

There were lots of other nice words too, but I don't want to boast. Well, okay I do, but that would be bad form. I'll sit down to "reflect" with her about the lesson on Monday or Tuesday and get my formal "strengths and areas to strengthen" paperwork. Until then, I'm just basking in the relief of having finished my three observations for this year. Whew.

Today we finally had Aaron's birthday party, since his birthday was two weeks ago. Mother of the Year, that's me. The boys played Wii games, Star Wars, air hockey, Legos, and chased each other around the house yelling, screaming, and tormenting the dog. You know, SOP for boys.

After they left, I stretched out on the couch with an audio book and napped. I'd earned it.

Tunica

...is the Indian word for "Place Where White People Lose Money."

Dan and I spent the weekend in Tunica for an AFLAC Awards Banquet. I've never been to Tunica before and I doubt I'll ever go again unless the company is paying for it. Not that we had a bad time. On the contrary. I graded papers for the entire car ride so that I wouldn't have to worry about anything once we arrived so we could just relax and unwind. It was wonderful to get away and just spend time together without two little kids talking our ears off and hearing video game sound effects in the back ground constantly.

Except, wait. We DID have video game sound effects in the background--at the casino. The lights, sounds, and smoke just about drove me crazy. I'm just not a casino kind of girl. Luckily we didn't gamble any more than the casino bucks they gave us because, quite frankly, I suck at gambling. No, really. I couldn't even figure out the quarter slots. I would've done better just to flush my ten dollar coupon directly down the toilet and avoided the smoky, desperation-scented air in the casino. All that fake glamor and glitz is just not for me.

The free food, however, was very much my speed. Holy cow, did I ever ruin my diet this weekend. I could've spent five hours at the dessert table alone. We ate like kings. Well, kings with high cholesterol and hypertension, but still. Dan won $60 at the AFLAC Luck of the Draw game, and then another $11 at the slot machines. I enjoyed my free glass of wine and promptly lost my $10 free card in the stupid slots, prompting me to enjoy a second free glass of wine.

On the way back to Tennessee, we stopped at Outback for a (nearly) free lunch because we had a gift card. All in all we had a great (mostly) free weekend, didn't lose any of our own money, and are desperately UNready to go back to work tomorrow.

Thanks, mom, for watching the boys and the dog.

Our Little Celebrities

Our little super star got his picture in the paper yesterday. People at school were asking for his autograph. :-) He was pretty excited to see himself in the paper, but he was a little embarrassed by all the attention.


Not to be outdone by his little brother, Twelve got his picture in the paper this week too--online, not print. So here's a picture of Twelve at his middle school chorus Veteran's Day concert. He's the one on the front row directly between the two microphones. In this one he's the third kid from the right. Doesn't he look delighted to be there??

He's...So Very Twelve.